Welcome, y’all, to Fauxtrage Monday. The sky is dark with flying monkeys. The screeching can be heard on Neptune. It’s all about the Bunny, people. The Bunny and some talented lunatics playing in the snow over in Italy.
I freely admit that Bad Bunny is not my jam. But that’s only because I completely lost touch with popular music sometime during the first Obama administration. I stopped watching the Grammys years ago because they made me feel old and out of touch, and the musical guests on, say, Saturday Night Live often baffle me. However, in the local bistro in which I watched the Super Bowl, the pure joy of Bunny’s halftime gig proved infectious even to those of us who did not understand a word of what he was saying. Which is one of a gazillion reasons why I am glad I did not watch the game with the president of the United States, who has been allergic to other people’s happiness his entire life.
“The Super Bowl Halftime Show is absolutely terrible, one of the worst, EVER! It makes no sense, is an affront to the Greatness of America, and doesn’t represent our standards of Success, Creativity, or Excellence. This ‘Show’ is just a ‘slap in the face’ to our Country, which is setting new standards and records every single day.”
(Remarkably, the conservative social media pestilence was even less articulate than the president was. Much of their commentary came as praise for the alternative halftime show with Kid Rock, whom I don’t understand any better than I understand the Bunny, but who is a lot less fun.)
Then there is Hunter Hess, who participates in freestyle skiing, a sport I do not understand either except that it involves throwing yourself off an halfpipe and it is explained on TV by people speaking fluent Geometry. (“It’s a 1,250 leading into a 1,690 and finishing with a double cork 930.”) Asked recently about the current state of things in this country, Hess answered the way any thinking citizen would answer. From CNN:
“I think it brings up mixed emotions to represent the U.S. right now, I think. It’s a little hard,” he said. “There’s obviously a lot going on that I’m not the biggest fan of, and I think a lot of people aren’t. I think for me it’s more I’m representing my, like, friends and family back home, the people that represented it before me, all the things that I believe are good about the U.S. I just think, if it aligns with my moral values, I feel like I’m representing it. Just because I’m wearing the flag doesn’t mean I represent everything that’s going on in the U.S. So yeah, I just kind of want to do it like for my friends and my family and the people that supported me getting here.”
Fly, monkeys, fly, came the command from the White House.
“U.S. Olympic Skier, Hunter Hess, a real Loser, says he doesn’t represent his Country in the current Winter Olympics,” Mr. Trump said in a social media post on Sunday. “If that’s the case, he shouldn’t have tried out for the Team, and it’s too bad he’s on it. Very hard to root for someone like this. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
And the monkeys, high-profile and low, responded. YouTuber-turned-boxer Jake Paul, who was photographed with Vice President JD Vance at the U.S. women’s hockey game, piled on Hess, writing Saturday on X:
“From all true Americans If you don’t want to represent this country go live somewhere else.” In addition to Paul, conservative figures who took to social media to criticize American athletes for speaking out included former NFL quarterback Brett Favre, actor Rob Schneider and U.S. Rep. Byron Donalds—who Mr. Trump has endorsed for the Florida gubernatorial race in November.
Hess, I would remind you, is willing to throw himself off an Alp to represent us. What are the rest of these clowns willing to do?
