Last month, we lost America’s smirky sweetheart, Shannen Doherty. Everyone knew her from Charmed and Beverly Hills, 90210, and maybe even the 2000 classic Satan’s School for Girls (available only, in all its low-res bootleg glory, on YouTube). She also starred in dozens of flicks you’ve never heard of, playing professional women of wildly different stripes. Here are some Doherty deep cuts currently available to stream.
Almost Dead (1994; Tubi, Plex): Still sporting her peak 90210 hair, Doherty stars as a psychologist specializing in twin research and micro-skirts in Almost Dead. She’s also haunted by her late mother’s ghost—and, even worse, has to share scenes with Costas Mandylor in deep-Stallone cosplay mode. Almost Dead is ostensibly a supernatural horror movie, but the laughs outweigh the scares for 92 ridiculous minutes. Tagline: “She’s a brilliant psychologist. He’s a streetwise cop. Together, they’re … Almost Dead.”
The Rendering (2002; Tubi, Prime Video): Ten years after being brutally assaulted in art school, police sketch artist Sarah (Doherty) is horrified to learn that a rash of new cases follows her still-jailed attacker’s M.O. Then, somehow, her lawyer husband is framed for the recent crimes, and her abuser launches an elaborate blackmail scheme for an early parole. The Rendering‘s villain is an “intellectual” killer, á la future Republican Vice President Hannibal Lecter, but the mulletted marauder is no match for Shannen!
Kiss Me Deadly (2008; Tubi, Prime Video): Years after they parted ways, international spies Marta (Doherty) and Jacob (Robert Gant) are reunited when Marta suffers amnesia and has no idea why malicious goons are following her. Kiss Me Deadly is a decent action thriller, in a cheap-o “We have The Bourne Identity at home” fashion, but it may have had bigger ambitions/delusions: The original title was Kiss Me Deadly: A Jacob Keane Assignment, alluding to an ongoing franchise. The universe in reply: “Nope.”
Striking Poses (1999; Tubi, Pluto TV): Tabloid photographer Gage (Doherty), stalked herself by a camera-wielding psycho, plots to change her identity to escape him. Several WTF story twists later, the movie builds into a byzantine con-job switcheroo with a sizable body count and Doherty assuming the identity of impossibly named wealthy heiress Margaret Mudge. Striking Poses is a stoopid made-for-TV feature that believes itself to be cinematic genius, but Doherty (as usual) makes it tolerable.
Growing the Big One (2010; Tubi, Prime Video): The title would lead you to think that Doherty had finally set her sights on an AVN award, but Growing the Big One is just a Hallmark movie with a saucy name. Radio talk show host Emma (Doherty) not only inherits her late grandfather’s pumpkin farm, but also the debt that comes with it (thanks, gramps). To pay it off, she teams up with her hunky new farm neighbor to win a pumpkin-growing contest, which apparently has a bigger payout than the Super Bowl.
Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys (2014; Tubi, Crackle): There was a time in the cable wars of yesteryear when Animal Planet actually dabbled in original horror movies, the first being Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys. When the lampreys of a small lakeside town go aggro and decimate the lake’s fish population, the killer lamps start chomping on people via the water system. (Maybe just stay away from pipes?) Doherty scream-acts while Christopher Lloyd does his Jaws mayor impression.
Hot Seat (2022; Tubi): Doherty doesn’t get much screen time as a gum-smacking FBI chief in Hot Seat, but the movie is too nonsensical to exclude. A master hacker (Kevin Dillon) finds his gamer chair rigged with a bomb, and is forced to steal millions from banks lest he be blow’d up by a ruthless Fed gone rogue (Mel Gibson, replete with power mustache). It’s Speed in an ergonomic seat; it’s Swordfish on a tuna budget; it’s the unfortunate pinnacle of Sam Asghari’s (Britney Spears’ ex) acting career.
